So yesterday I made it a mission to try to bring Renard out of his shell again. To try to provoke some of his usual playfulness and teasing/sarcastic attitude out. I crashed and burned. He was in the dumps and in no mood to banter. It sucked, but I wasn’t hurt by his lack of spunk. I knew it was just a bad day for him and kept on trying to bring him out of his slump. I had a lot of fun, even though I wasn’t successful. I took comfort in knowing that the grouch replying to my texts (did I mention I worked a sixteen-hour shift yesterday?) wasn’t really him.
I also made it a mission to be more firm about arranging a date for us to hang out. He’s everyone’s handyman and so his schedule gets pretty busy with his promises to others. It’s actually kind of frustrating at times. I’m his dominant. I should be a priority, not all these other people requesting menial things.
When we were going over his availability, he mentioned that Monday he would be helping a mutual friend of ours move a tv. (To continue with the french naming system I started, we’ll call him Papa). Papa is the dominant of another mutual friend of ours, Tigresse (more french, lol). Renard is very good friends with Papa and Tigresse. Renard and Tigresse are both bratty subs (though Renard knows better than to be too bratty with me). I tend to be kind of a recluse, so although I too am close with them, I’m not close in the same way that Renard is with them. Renard hangs out with them regularly. I typically only see them at dungeons.
Anyway. Papa has been in the BDSM Lifestyle a long, long time. He’s a good dominant. But he’s not Renard’s dominant; so when Renard told me that he was helping Papa move a tv and that we could hang out when they were done, I got mad. It’s one thing if it’s his parents or grandparents that he’s helping out, since they’re his family and he lives close to an hour away. It’s another thing to tell me that I’d have to wait on him to have time for me while he helped another dominant.
I like to digest my emotional responses to things. I was mad because 1) I’m tired of not seeming like the priority I should be. 2) He was letting another dominant (mutual friend or no) take priority. This rankles me because people experienced in the Lifestyle are very keen about dominance and submission in all of its subtleties. Most vanillas are not. 3) He was telling me that I’d have to wait on him. Wut.
Aware of the reasons behind my anger, I began phase two. Addressing the anger and the issues it represented in a beneficial, compassionate, dominant way. There were three issues I wanted to hit with one stone. So I thought on it. Here’s my logic: Papa is a good person. I like papa. I don’t actually mind that Renard is helping him, I just don’t want to be a lower priority. Also, I’ve been such a fucking recluse lately. I want to see my Renard, but… it would also actually be really nice to see Papa and Tigresse. The sad thing is, I haven’t been around fellow Lifestylers besides Renard in a few months.
So the solution? I’m tagging along with them while they move the tv and hanging out with them tomorrow. Wam. Bam. Thank you, Ma’am. All parties are happy. I let Renard know that I wanted to be a priority and spend the day with him; I made sure it was ok with Papa that I tagged along; I was dominant by taking the reins and making things happen. If Papa had not wanted my company, then Renard would have had to cancel with him. Luckily, that wasn’t the case and there was no drama. Huzzah!
Also, today was an incredible improvement! Like night and day. I’m really glad, too. He’s being really responsive to my texts (I’m working a twelve-hour shift today, guhhh). He’s having fun with our banter. He teased me right back whenever I teased him. His playful sarcastic nature is definitely back. We’ve been discussing possible scenes. It’s fucking nice. It’s back to how our dynamic usually is. It’s a good sign.