The day with Renard went well. He was peppy enough. I could tell he was distracted with his own inner turmoil, but I know my touch and my presence soothed him.
I wound up spending two days with Papa and Tigresse. At one point, Tigresse and I talked about Renard and his state of mind. We talked about our methods of helping him. Her plan of action has been to distract him. Part of their dynamic as friends is that they rough-house, watch cartoons, and get into general tomfoolery. I am not exactly that kind of person. I can be silly to a certain extent, but not like Tigresse. I’m very glad Renard has Tigresse in his life, so he can have someone who can be playful in ways that I am not.
This brings me to the main thing I wanted to talk about in this post. My role. Not just with Renard, but as a facet of who I am.
Tigresse brought up something about her thought process, which greatly differed from my own. She said that with her D/s relationship (a much looser and lenient one than I have with Renard), she’s friends first and her role second. With Renard, I’m his Dominant. As his Dominant, it is my responsibility to care for his well-being, including by being compassionate and patient. Am I his friend? I’m good to him and I take care of him to the best of my ability. I guess that makes me his friend. But I don’t think of him as my friend. I think of him as my submissive. Is that sad? Is that bad? Does it make our relationship suffer? I don’t think so. I have his needs and his best interests at heart. I’m a shoulder for him to lean on. I listen to his worries and I try to support him emotionally. Yes I’m friendly with him. We laugh and joke and hang-out. We have casual days. But I am always conscious of my role and that my actions are ways of expressing my role. It’s not just a role for me. It is me. I haven’t asked, but I think that to him, I’m his dominant and his friend. I am two roles. I am not one complex role. That’s ok with me. It’s just semantics, right?
It’s difficult to hold back, and to be more passive while he gets through this. I know he wouldn’t respond well if I tried to comfort him my way. My way would be to get him to invest himself in his submission to me. To spend more time with me and have set chores and a set daily schedule of activities and whatnot. My way of distracting him from his troubles would be to get him to focus on our relationship. This isn’t because I want to control his life. Not at all. I would do things that way because I find comfort in filling my role. I know there are submissives that find a world of comfort in serving their Dominant. To a certain extent, I know Renard does. But his days are already taken up with chores and a schedule of activities that are just burdensome responsibilities to others. He wouldn’t find the structure comforting right now. He’d just see it as yet more chores and crap he has to do for someone. I hate that. I wish that doing things for me was an exception, but it’s not. We discussed this and he politely and respectfully told me this. Right now, what’s comforting to him is just being in my presence. Lying in my lap and having his head pet is enough role fulfillment to make him content. There’s no pressure, there’s no assignments, there’s just him being mine.