I’m rather interested to hear what everyone’s experiences were with realizing what role they leaned towards, be it dominant, submissive, or switch. Sure, everyone has clues when they’re growing up, which they either accept or deny. But for you, what was your ‘aha!’ moment like? Or even if you haven’t figured out what role you are, what was it like when bdsm or the bdsm lifestyle struck you as something you needed to pursue? Was it even a moment, or something that built?
For me, it’s a little bit of both a gradual growth and an ‘aha!’ moment or two. I knew I leaned towards being a dominant during puberty, but it wasn’t until I attended my first play party that I had my first ‘aha!’ moment in regards to being a Dominant in the lifestyle. I was happy to find a community that I felt I actually belonged with. I was ecstatic and relieved to find out that my sadism and dominance didn’t have to be a negative thing, that I could use both to heighten relationships.
It took a little while longer, and some more growth (hell, I’m still growing) to fully accept and love myself for all my kinks.
My birthday this year was another sort of ‘aha’ moment. The ‘aha!’ of satisfaction. I am extraordinarily proud of myself for finding my way and for growing so much into the person I really am. For me, it’s difficult at times to not be who I think others want or need me to be. It’s hard for me to not hear my mother’s ridicule and abuse from when I was growing up. I know I’m not perfect, but I’m eager to continue growing and continue to not hide from myself.