Flabbergasted

I am flabbergasted. I don’t want to speak too soon, but… what the hell, why not. 

I took a hiatus on dating. I put everything on hold. I was stressed out and feeling jaded and crotchety. I wasn’t enjoying meeting up with a new guy every other week or so.

I was starting to think that maybe I was too old fashioned. Or maybe I’m just too damn uptight. Maybe the kind of guy that had manners and did well in social situations was dead. Maybe I had too many expectations. Maybe my idea of respect was out-dated. Maybe this, maybe that.

It all boiled down to me thinking that I should probably settle.

After dating long enough, you get exhausted. I have been telling myself for two and a half years to not compromise. To not settle. I deserved someone who respected me and showed it appropriately. I deserved someone who knew proper behavior when on a date. I deserved someone that treated me well not because they were trying to get laid, but because they saw me as a person.

I deserved a Gentleman. A bona fide gentleman.

And I fucking found him. His manners are impeccable. We get along sensationally. I don’t feel any pressure around him. I feel accepted. I feel attractive. I feel respected. So fucking respected. Sure we curse and are sarcastic and playful and whatnot, but there is always respect between us. Our first date we spent nine hours together, half at his place just talking. Like we were friends. I kept waiting for him to try to make out or grope me (because I’m paranoid like that, not because I wanted him to just yet). It never happened.

The second date I spent the night. I trusted myself enough to trust him, if that makes any sense. I’ve been molested most of my life and raped once. I have a hard time trusting guys. Since I deeply trusted the man who raped me, I have a hard time trusting my judgment in the men I choose to trust.

I’m trying to not be pessimistic. But of course some part of me is cringing, waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to be let down. 

We spent about 17 hours together during the second date, and only like 5 of that was sleep. He didn’t try anything. We talked, we laughed, we snuggled. No. Pressure. We just enjoyed each other’s company. The way he treats me is amazing.

I hope this doesn’t sound lame. We have so much chemistry it’s insane.  It’s like he was made for me, seriously. 

Fuck me.

I found him.

I am flabbergasted.

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