I Done Did It

I had an opportunity in the most unlikely circumstances. 

Two weeks ago, I was in and out of the hospital. Last weekend, I had Renard stay with me in case my health deteriorated further.

I was in a wretched physical state,  but since he was with me, I took it as an opportunity. We still needed to talk, whether I was in good health or not. I started easily, but eventually it came down to a few crucial points. Point 1) He is no longer certain that he wants to participate in bdsm activities, or have a D/s relationship. Point 2) We agreed that we no longer really know each other. Point 3) I cannot be his Master if I do not know him. Point 4) I cannot be his Dominant if he does not want me to be. 

I saw the pain in his eyes when I stated that I was no longer his Master, let alone his Dominant. But by the end of my points (of which I have only summed), the pain had lessened to an acceptance. He knew that our relationship was broken, but had resisted acknowledging it or accepting it, just as I had.

So we are on hiatus, at the very least, as a D/s relationship. I will not force myself or a D/s relationship on him. We will try to reconnect. We may rebuild things, we may not.

We’ll see.

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